kinda lonely huh

Yesterday Brenton made me made in the car because he threw his pacifier down and then whined about it for the car ride home. I told him tough son you're not getting it back and I'm finally sticking with my guns. Zoey had hers taken away at 6 months old. The only reason why Brenton never had his taken away is because he was so sick for a long time. In and out of the doctor and hospital then we finally found out he was misdiagnosed a billion times and he had really bad pneumonia. Every time he'd cry he'd end up choking on his mucus. So I just decided a pacifier baby is better then a choking baby and the older he got the harder it was to take it away. Up until last night pacifier was mainly for his cranky time before he napped or went to bed for the night. I have to say putting him to bed last night wasn't as bad as I thought. He only cried for his pacifier for five or so minuets. He also slept the entire night. We'll see how it goes tonight. I'm thinking that he's going to get pissed and jealous that Ryland is going to have a pacifier so I'm actual tempted not to give him one at all. With Ryland I'm going to breast and bottle feed so he should be good on that end, but some babies like to suck to soothe and I don't like screaming crying babies. It makes my heart sad. And my boobs leak. Ha. In other exciting news I had my OB appointment yesterday and I'm almost dilated a full 5cm! Yay! I get to have my membranes stripped on Thursday. I'm hoping this will put me into labor instead of having to be induced again. I still really want to have Ryland on my dad's birthday, 29th, but it is just so painful and utterly uncomfortable. That's why we scheduled it for the 26th, but if I can have him even earlier I'm not going to complain. I get Zoey this weekend so having him on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, or even early Monday would be the biggest and greatest gift in the world. I really want both Zoey and Brenton to meet their brother at the same time. It breaks my heart enough as it is that Zoey has a split family and that Brenton barely sees her. It kills me that with Ryland it will be the same. At least my boys will have each other and at least Zoey has Liz when she's at George's. I think that it helps that she isn't alone over there. Oy. All types of pregnant emotional today. I'm not working, but I paid for daycare so Brenton is at daycare. Bart is at work. And I obviously have WAY too much time to myself to think about all this crap. I already took a long bath while reading. It helped for 1-2 hours. Now I'm bored. Bored and lonely. What do ya do? I'm thinking now that I should play some Halo and possibly go for a walk around the block. I walked so much yesterday that I thought my legs were going to fall off. I think it's helping with the dilating. Who knows. Anywho. Have a good one yall.