yeeouch!

Jeeze I worked 7:30 til 7 yesterday. Don't get me wrong. I love working Giacoppo and I love the money, but that was a long ass shift that gave me a huge ass HA!
Actually it's my glasses that are giving me a HA. They're reading glasses because I can't see close up and the having to put them on take them off during the day is messing with my eyes in turn causing a 800 mg IBU needing HA. Such a bad waste of $150. I told Bart I didn't want the stupid glasses in the first place and he con artisted his way into making me get them. FML.
I got paid today and paid my bills! So proud of myself! I can't wait to go to Starbucks and order the biggest coffee this morning because I've been up since 3:50. Just too excited about having a pay check again.
I still haven't talked to anyone about my depression. Some of the girls at work are starting to notice. Which is bad because I'm the queen of faking happy. I'm standing out side of a box looking in on myself and I can't get my own attention to snap the hell out of it. It scares me. I remember what I use to be like and I try so hard not to go back to that place. Deep dark and scary as fuck place. I just look at all three of my babies and pray to all things holy that the NEVER have those or these feelings.
I keep going back to what if. I just had the worst wave of nausea. It makes me sick. What if?
Did you know I can't do a push up. Not even one. Makes me feel weak and fat. Went shopping last weekend and I know I've lost some weight after baby because the 15's don't fit anymore. I went to try on a smaller size thinking they would fit great and found out not so much. When I can I walk on lunch for 2 miles or I do the treadmill at 3mph with a incline of 8-8.5. My heart rate gets too fast too quick and makes me dizzy so I can't do it as long as I'd like to. Probably just going to nap today since I have to be up in 30 mins and I'm still sitting here randomly typing what I'm thinking.
LeSigh.
Well I guess I should jump in the shower now. Have a good day yall!